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Mom and Son going through ”the change” together? (4 posts)

1 year, 8 months ago
By njmom

Is anyone else 48 with a 16 year old son and finding it hard to deal with him? It hit me at dinner tonight that we are both having hormonal issues…I thought he was a nice kid but lately he wants to debate every issue for hours on end…is he going to be a lawyer or what! I must be nuts because I cry over everything he does or says to me.

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packagedealx3 said 1 year, 6 months ago:

Hon, kids can just be buttheads at that age because they know they still need you and at the same time think they know everything. What you are going through is not unique, I have 3 who argue every point with me at 12, 16 and 19 At least the arguments with the 19-year-old are now currently long distance, lol.

You need to learn to quell the debate. Leave the room, go for a drive, and just accept that there are many things that will result in your tears at this time in YOUR life.

So you need to embrace the notion much more than you are doing now that his behavior has nothing to do with how he feels about you or how you raised him. It seems very antithetical to not take things personally as a parent but that’s exactly what you need to do.

I was in a coma 5 years ago and couldn’t do all of the housework, etc. for quite a long time. None of my three children stepped up as they should have but when I stopped equating that with whether they loved me and just recognized that regardless of how I have raised them they are just being kids, it wasn’t nearly as hard to deal with as it was when I kept thinking do they not love me at all?
csandksmom said 1 year, 6 months ago:

Hi NJMom, I hate to say this, but when we are “hormonal” EVERYTHING bothers us. Your wonderful teenage son is moving through a normal phase, at the same time you are having your phase,and not a comfortable situation for either of you. I’m sure you’d love to say,” It will be okay, Honey.” and that should end it, but it doesn’t work that way. Unfortunately, because you are the parent, you still need to TRY to make his world livable. That’s not to say you need to spoil him rotten. It never hurts to inform him that life is tough, just don’t make his life at home unbearable = son disappears. And no, you don’t really want that.
lisact said 1 year, 6 months ago:

I’m living through a similar situation. The temperature does get hot – in all ways. Recently I caught myself having way too big a reaction to an annoying but not earth shattering issue and I turned to my son mid argument and screamed, “I think I’m over reacting, right,” He screamed back, “YOU ARE!.” That stopped the fight from escalating and we both ended up laughing.