Raising Independent Kids: Would You Let Your Teens Attend Pro Ball Games By Themselves?
June 13, 2012 at 10:08 am
by Linda Fears
Tonight I’m letting my son Nick and his best friend, Max, go to a Yankees game by themselves for the first time. This involves an hour-long train ride from our hometown to the Yankee Stadium stop in the Bronx; then they’ll have to walk about eight blocks to the actual stadium, find their way to their seats, buy themselves dinner and, most important, keep in touch with my husband and me so we can find them in the massive crowd when we come to pick them up (we aren’t quite ready to let them navigate the late-night commute home). In all, they’ll be on their own for about six hours—though, of course, among 50,000+ other fans they won’t technically be alone. I’m nervous, but I know that as smart, sensible, newly minted 14-year-olds Nick and Max need to begin experiencing independence. In fact, Nick got the idea to go to the game sans parents from Executive Editor Darcy Jacobs’ son Matthew. Here’s her story:
When my 13-year-old recently had no school on a weekday, he asked if he could go to a Mets game. I just thought he was being typically obtuse (and sports crazed).
“Dad and I have work.”
“I meant by myself.”
“You don’t have a ticket. Plus, how will you get there?”
“I’ll buy one at the box office. And I’ll take the subway—I’ve done it enough times with you.”
My husband and I looked at each other, finding no other reason why not except our own parental hesitation. His calm and confidence were too convincing to argue against. He was ready, so we had to be too. The next day we walked him through all our rules—text when you get the ticket, text when you’re at the seat, text when you’re heading back to the subway. And be aware. And keep your phone out of sight on the subway. And stay away from anyone drinking. Basically I reminded him of everything except to look both ways before crossing. The texts arrived on schedule: Got tix. At seat. Having fun. Nice pple. Heding home.
He returned unusually chatty and elated, eager to share his adventure: He was shocked by the food prices because he actually paid attention to them, and self-upgraded his seat. While the day was not totally perfect—the Mets lost—it was a true success. For him, the momentousness of the day will fade, just one of the many steps he will start taking alone. For us, though, it was a milestone equal to a first word. He has begun his trek toward adulthood.
I hope Nick and Max get as much out of their solo adventure as Matthew did—that will give me more confidence to okay future unsupervised outings. Wondering if your child is ready to handle a bit more freedom? Read “Benefits of Free-Range Parenting,” from our July issue, for more anecdotes and expert advice.
Have you had a similar experience with your kid? Please share in the comments below.
Linda Fears is editor in chief of Family Circle magazine.
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Linda, I was shocked that you would let your son & his friend do this at the age of 14. After reading your column, I called Yankee Stadium & spoke with a security official about the minimum age they allow youth to attend a game without a guardian or parent. Yankee Stadium’s policy requires children under the age of 16 to be accompanied by an adult. I also called Ticket Master to see if they would sell me tickets to a Yankee’s game for two 14-year-old kids. Their representative strongly advised me against this. I also read Yankee Stadium’s rules & regs on their website; especially the part about an emergency evacuation. I feel your column influences parents to break safety rules that are in place for good reasons. I’m all for letting kids be independent & explore the world, but only when they’re ready & within the rules/laws of public places.
Thanks for sharing such a wonderful story. Seven years ago my husband & I along with our two kids moved to a small town in Colorado. Shortly after moving, I realized that I needed to let my oldest do some things on his own without dad or I being around. Now in just 10 days, he sets out on his own for an even bigger adventure & that is driving by himself to my home state to see family & friends. While I wish I was going with him, at the same time it’s nice to know that I know that this is something he can by himself without mom being around.
Thank you. Someone who is not falling victim to a fear based society and letting their kids grow up and become competent adults. I can not praise you enough for doing this. It is truly a great thing to teach your kids and to instill such trust that they can handle situations on their own. Kudos to you. Actually being a parent and not a government run person. I am sure your kids will grow up to be terrific confident adults.
Finally a mother with some sense that children can still do things in today’s world without their parent attached at the hip. The media generally hypes up all the high profile abduction and child molestation cases to help the legislators take away our freedoms. I don’t believe that our country is that much scarier than it was when I was growing up. Parents have just quit parenting as much. I taught my kids about “stranger danger” and about what is off limits for touching! I have also had an open line of communication and they can tell me anything! If we don’t give our kids a chance to grow up, our country is going to get really bad really fast! So thank you Family Circle for having the integrity to print such great articles.