Parenting Q&A: “I Can’t Afford to Give My Kids Everything. Will They Suffer Emotionally?”
Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman
October 2, 2012 at 3:39 pm
by Rosalind Wiseman
Teen parenting expert Rosalind Wiseman answers your tough questions.
Q. How do you keep your family happy? And by “happy,” I mean comfortable without cost. Times are tough now, but I don’t want my kids to suffer emotionally because I can’t afford to give them everything.
A. Although life can be horribly stressful when money is tight, it’s so clear to me from my work around the country that having a lot of cash is no guarantee of a child’s contentment or a family’s harmony. So I’d like you to consider redefining happiness as striving for these four things in life: curiosity, hope of success in something you feel good about, being a part of something beyond yourself, and feeling connected to your loved ones and your community. I’ve found that’s where true joy lies for adults and kids. And if your children still complain about not getting the latest iPhone, have an honest conversation with them that includes a look at the family budget. When you do this calmly, your kids are more likely to accept (and appreciate) why their entire Christmas list isn’t going to end up under the tree next month.
Do you have a parenting dilemma for Rosalind? Send an email to askrosalind@familycircle.com.
Rosalind Wiseman helps families and schools with bullying prevention and media literacy. Her book “Queen Bees and Wannabes” inspired the hit movie “Mean Girls.” She writes the Ask Rosalind column for Family Circle, and blogs about parenting tweens and teens on Momster.com.
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Kids don’t need everything. The most important thing they need is love and time with Mom and Dad. Ask yourself what they NEED, not what they WANT. Big difference.
I guess the first question I would ask the parent, did you suffer emotionally because you were not given everything you wanted while growing up? If you aren’t a total mess because you didn’t get everything you wanted while growing up, then I think it is highly unlikely your kids will be emotionally deprived. If the kids are teenagers, they need to learn some responsibility about money. They certainly can get a part-time job after school or on the weekends to help pay for whatever they are wanting. It is much easier for a teenager to get a part-time job (McDonalds, Burger King, etc.) than an adult looking for work.
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