“My 15-Year-Old Son Has No Friends!”
Parenting Advice by Rosalind Wiseman
May 30, 2012 at 11:39 am
by Rosalind Wiseman
Teen parenting expert Rosalind Wiseman answers your tough questions.
Q. My son is 15 and has no friends. He’s very shy and has become depressed and frustrated by his failure to be accepted. He stays home and spends all his time on the computer. I sent him to counseling but he said it was a waste of time. Please help—it is breaking my heart that his childhood is so unhappy!
A. Your son isn’t just depressed.You’re describing a kid who has extreme social anxiety and needs help. He must learn to express himself and develop social skills through a therapist who has been trained in working with boys. Try to get him into counseling again using a different approach. Say, “I realize I made a mistake about how we chose a counselor last time and I’m sorry. Let’s try again. I’d like to find five candidates you can interview beforehand. Perhaps you can setup a Skype chat.” If your son says he can’t think of any questions, suggest, “Have you worked with guys my age before?” and “Do you expect me to do most of the talking or do you give opinions?” Then remind your son that there’s no commitment—he can take it one step at a time.
Do you have a parenting dilemma for Rosalind? Send an email to askrosalind@familycircle.com.
Rosalind Wiseman helps families and schools with bullying prevention and media literacy. Her book “Queen Bees and Wannabes” inspired the hit movie “Mean Girls.” She writes the Ask Rosalind column for Family Circle, and blogs about parenting tweens and teens on Momster.com.
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Also ask him if he’s embarrassed about going to therapy, then let him know it’s okay to talk to a mental health professional. I also would suggest a group therapy, A) to meet kids going through the same things lets him know he isn’t alone and B) he’d learn social skills that his age group use. Good luck!
I read the article and I immediately thought he not only could
have guy friends but also have some girls as friends. Also it could be we just have some crual people in the world.
This is true. Most American kids today are told “your somebody, your special” and that can quickly turn into arogance by the child. And children who don’t have to be told this, because they are ok with themselves are left to be abused by insecure kids who now use arogance as a weapon. Just because you don’t have friends dosen’t mean America is not cruel. Leave the kid alone. Not to mention the P.C. Is giving him a free global education. And don’t let American Dr.’s trick you into thinking to socialize is to accept abuse. Thats cruel and wrong !
My son is the same way, it turns out he has something called “Non verbal learning disorder” It is very frustrating to watch him, as i know he is lonely, but he just doesn’t know how to interact with kids his own age (he does great with adults) he is getting some help through the school and we are waiting to get him in with a counsoler.
http://www.nldontheweb.org/
Probably parents should spend more time with the boy on outdoor activities, including sports, in order to find what up what he is good at. From there, boost his confidence!