How to Talk to Your Teen about Relationship Abuse
June 27, 2011 at 9:00 am
by Christine Mattheis
Here’s a frightening statistic: in 2009, one in 10 ninth-graders in New York City reported being physically abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend in a Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System study. However, subtler forms of emotional, sexual and financial abuse can also be found in teen relationships. Peer Health Exchange (PHE), a unique nonprofit that trains college students to teach high school health, suggests that as parents talk to their children about setting boundaries, they cite specific examples of abusive behavior; not all of them are obvious to young people navigating the complex world of teenage relationships. PHE college volunteers help teens identify the following behaviors as abusive:
• Giving a boyfriend of girlfriend a cellphone so it is easy to check up on him or her, or constantly calling or texting to find out other person’s location and activities
• Buying expensive or lavish gifts so the other person feels indebted
• Purposefully trying to get pregnant or get a partner pregnant to stay together
• “Sexting” or sending sexually suggestive text messages or photos (half of teen girls cite “pressure from guys” as the reason they sext)
• Controlling what the other person wears
Peer Health Exchange identifies the following behaviors as healthy:
• Taking turns paying for things and ensuring neither person has control over what the other buys
• Spending time doing separate activities
• Arguing—arguing can be healthy or unhealthy, teens should feel comfortable disagreeing and also allowing their partner to disagree with them
For more information about Peer Health Exchange, visit peerhealthexchange.org.
—Marianna Tu
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